


Elbows Full Of Lies

by RobinTrigue



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Jurassic Park kitchen scene, Let Randy Dab, loosely inspired by Smackdown of September 6th
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 23:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7990246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinTrigue/pseuds/RobinTrigue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Randy Orton wants to dab, but there is a shadowy being who rules the WWE with an iron fist. The Forbidden Dance Move will not be allowed to pass, not in any of its guises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elbows Full Of Lies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gasmasked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gasmasked/gifts).



“Please Hunter,” Randy Orton was saying that day, his first day back after SummerSlam. “Please, let me dab before the next match, just once.”

Hunter sighed, leaning back in his chair. “You know that’s not the problem, Randy,” he said, feeling old and tired. “You know I have no issue with you dabbing. I think it’s a wonderful idea. The problem is-” His voice hushed suddenly. Both men turned around to stare at the closed door. They couldn’t hear anything, but they could _feel_ a shadow, a malevolent, dangerous presence lurking outside. After a few moments, it seemed to pass.

“I wish I could help you with this,” Hunter said, voice still low. “But you know why.”

Randy nodded, heart heavy. “Yes,” he sighed. “I know.”

 .....

Sami and Finn were hanging out on the stairwell, goofing around a little as they ate their lunches. Sami sneezed suddenly, spraying bits of sandwich down the steps.

“Oh no, my poor little Sami!” Finn cooed. Sami glared at him as he sniffled.

“Don’t you ‘poor little Sami’ me,” he said, sounding distinctly un-threatening through his blocked nose. “This is _your_ cold, you know.”

Finn pet his boyfriend’s hair; Sami wasn’t dedicated enough to his facade of resentment to refuse the ruffles. “I told you, I’m innocent. Colds aren’t even contagious anymore by the time symptoms start showing, how was I supposed to know I’d make you sick?”

“I’m worse than sick, I’m dying,” Sami wailed, dropping his head onto Finn’s shoulder. Finn smiled and rubbed his beard onto the side of his head.

“What a tragedy, a world without the sweetest Sami to ever live,” he said. “Tell you what, if you manage to cling to life just a few hours longer, I’ll make you a great big mug of lemon tea with lots of honey and run a nice, warm bath. That sound good?”

“Hmm. Only if there’s a Finn Balor is in the bath with me.”

Finn smiled and kissed the top of Sami’s head. “I’ll see if it can be arranged.” He felt Sami grin into his shoulder, then lift his head for a kiss. Finn leant into that sunny smile, froze, and then pulled back. “Habg on, I’b going to sbeeze.”

“Hah! Karma!” giggled Sami, poking Finn in the side to make his discomfort worse. Finn tried to bat his hands away, juggling laughter and the horrible itch of being just about to sneeze. He held his arm in front of his head.

“Aaaah-”

Below them, a fire door clanged open.

“ _Aaaaah-_ ”

The sound of feet running up the steps.

“- _chooo!_ ” Finn managed to contain the small explosion in his elbow. Sami rubbed his back.

“ _No!_ ” screamed a voice, boiling with rage. Finn looked up to see Fandango standing over him like an wild beast.

“Hey Fandango, did you need to get past?”

“I know what you were doing, you _monster._ ”

“Sneezing?” said Sami.

“Sneezing? Sneezing, hah! So like you people to use _sneezing_ as a cover for the Forbidden Move!”

“What? Oh, you mean _dabb-_ ”

“Kssssh!” hissed Fandango, before Finn could say the Forbidden Word. Sami was biting his lip to keep from laughing.

“Wait, Fandango,” he said. “What you’re saying is, your dance-intuition isn’t only set off by _intentional_ dance moves, but also anytime any human in the building, for any reason, moves their arm _like this?_ ” He slowly demonstrated, leaning into his elbow. A low growl began in Fandango’s throat, one that grew louder and louder until –

“ _Run!_ ” yelled Finn, dropping his sandwich in favour of Sami’s hand. Together, the two of them tore up the steps before Fandango could leap, running through corridors until they managed to lose their pursuer through the double doors of the catering kitchen. They sprinted to the far side of the room; it was a dead end, but if they kept quiet, perhaps they could hide behind the metal cabinets.

The soft padding of footsteps. The creak of the heavy door opening. Sami and Finn sat frozen still, hoping they wouldn’t be heard.

Fandango salsa’d into the room, in hunting pose.

Sami felt something come over him. “Finn!” he whispered across the aisle.

Finn looked up, motioning to him to stay silent. Sami shook his head frantically. Behind them, Fandango was pacing. In desperation, Finn emerged from his cover to throw a metal spoon at the wall. Fandango ran towards the sound, distracted long enough for Finn to crawl to Sami’s cabinet.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“Finn, I need to sneeze again!”

“Oh no,” Finn whispered. Fandango, having figured out the spoon was a decoy, leapt onto a countertop. Croutons and diced red onion went flying. He roared an attack cry that reverberated through the building.

“Finn, if we die because you gave me your cold-”

“Hey, I got it from Becky, blame her!” Finn hissed. “Actually don’t, how could anyone ever blame Becky for anything, she’s amazing, but I don’t know! Sneeze into your hand or something!”

Sami did sneeze into his hands, muffling the sound only a little. “Eww, boogers! Where are the paper towels in here?”

Fandango’s footsteps clattered towards them on the metal countertops, alerted by the noise, but luckily Sami and Finn were saved by the kitchen doors opening. The lights were switched on.

“Dango, babe, I heard you calling. What’s wrong?”

Fandango slid off the counter into Tyler’s arms. “It was Sami and Finn,” he complained. “They were _dabbing_ at me.”

“There, there, gorgeous,” said Tyler, patting the dancer’s back to soothe him. “I’m sure they won’t do it again.” He glared around the room. Finn and Sami emerged sheepishly.

“Sorry,” Sami said.

“You should be,” Fandango hissed wetly. “That move is full of _lies._ ”

“Wait, so when you two dance together, you honestly never dab?” Sami asked Tyler.

Tyler rolled his eyes in exasperation. “ _Of course not_ , Seth Rogen’s less good looking younger brother,” he said. “We’re in a _relationship_. We _communicate._ We have _boundaries._ I would never do something like that to my precious Dango.” He tucked some of Fandango’s stray hairs behind his ears, checking in with him quietly.

“But if _sneezing_ sets it off,” mused Finn. “Fandango, you don’t get upset when people hold belts in the air, do you? And if I scratch my head _like this_ it’s fine, so how close does a person’s elbow...” From the corner of his eye, he could see Sami covering his mouth with his hands to suppress his giggling. _Don’t look at Sami_ , he told himself. _Sami is a bad, terrible influence, and if you look at him..._

“Yeah Dango,” said Sami, “I mean, if I hold my arm straight out like _this_ it’s fine, right? And if I bend it _a little_ , that’s still not dabbing, right? And if I lean in _just a bit..._ ”

Fandango turned to glare at him. Tyler rubbed his boyfriend’s shoulders and whispered, “Don’t, babe, it’s not worth it...”

Finn looked at Sami, whose nose was inching ever so slowly towards his arm, shit-eating grin plastered on his face. He couldn’t help it. He snorted loudly.

“Yeah, Fandango,” he said, voice hysterical as he tried to regain control of himself. “Sami’s not dabbing at all, is he?”

“I’m definitely not,” agreed Sami, bending his elbow just a little more. There was a quiet growling noise.

 .....

“Be there in a second Cass, I wanna grab some snackety-snacks first,” called Enzo, pushing through the catering doors and then freezing as he took in the strange tableau. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Not dabbing,” said Sami as he held his head precisely five inches from his elbow, maintaining eye contact with Fandango the whole time. He’d been frozen like this for minutes. He and Finn were shaking slightly as they slowly lost control of their ability to keep from laughing.

Fandango huffed and snorted from Tyler’s arms like an enraged bull.

“I’ll say,” scoffed Enzo. “That sure as hell ain’t dabbing, _this_ is dabbing.”

Fandango broke free from Tyler’s grasp and leapt.

 .....

Randy heard the commotion inside catering and ducked his head through the door, only to see Sami, Finn, and Tyler all attempting to pull a slavering Fandango off Enzo, who lay shrieking on the floor. He withdrew, shaking his head sadly. Hunter was right. There would be a time for his dabs, a place for them; but not now. It simply wasn’t safe.

 .....

**Author's Note:**

> Let Randy Dab! ([Art credit.](http://teddysartzone.tumblr.com/post/148823001428))


End file.
